If you’re feeling lonely after a break-up, it’s perfectly normal. Don’t be scared of the feeling.
In fact, I want you to embrace it and find out how it can make you more powerful.
What do I mean? How can loneliness make you powerful?
Can feeling lonely after a break-up make you powerful?
Loneliness seems like an emotion of weakness. What if I told you it was an emotion of strength? If you don’t learn to understand this powerful emotion, it can control you and cause you to make decisions you wouldn’t otherwise make. Especially at a time like this when you’re vulnerable.
On the surface, loneliness conjures up images of the little old lady living in a shoe with a bunch of cats.
Her hair is a mess, her teeth are crooked and she’s socially inept.
But that’s not loneliness at all.
Loneliness hits all of us. Some of the loneliest people are surrounded by crowds and adored by everyone around them. Some of the loneliest people look happy on the outside. Loneliness doesn’t have a face or a size or a complexion or a zip code.
Is loneliness bad for your health?
In January 2017, Forbes online published an article entitled “Loneliness Might Be a Bigger Health Risk than Smoking and Obesity.” The article stated that several years back, a study was done at Brigham Young University that “found that social isolation increases your risk of death by an astounding ~30%, and some estimates have it as high as 60%!”
So why do I say that an emotion that’s shown such a detrimental impact can make you powerful? Let’s dig a little deeper.
When you recognize loneliness in your life, you can deal with it. Once you’ve dealt with it, you can combat it. Then, instead of it controlling you, you can control it. What makes it powerful is when you turn it on its head. When you flip the feelings of loneliness into a desire to connect and then you use that desire to create community for yourself and those around you, you become powerful.
Try these 5 ways to deal with the loneliness you may be feeling after your breakup
1. Acknowledge the loneliness you are feeling after your break-up and recognize its potential impact.
Because loneliness is such a powerful emotion, not acknowledging it can cause it to balloon out of control. When you act out of loneliness, you put yourself in the position to make bad decisions. If you never take the time to acknowledge it exists, you make yourself really susceptible to being victim to it. Understand what’s make you feel sad. Understand what’s keeping your from being 100%.
In the book The Art of War, Sun Tzu says, ”
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
2. Experience the emotion of loneliness
Loneliness is your mind, heart and soul letting you know you’re truly human. It’s reminding you that we were made for community and for companionship.
Don’t be scared of loneliness, instead, listen to it.
Don’t think that it means you’re a weak person. Instead, embrace the fact that your strength comes from your ability to connect. Understanding this place of loneliness with increase your emotional IQ. It will make you more empathetic, compassionate and caring. If you harness it and control it, it will make you a better mother, lover and friend. That’s the power of turning loneliness on its head.
3. Understand loneliness, its emotional connection and its reason
Ask yourself, Do I generally feel unloved and disconnected from humanity? Am I longing for companionship? What did my EX give me that made me feel secure?
Answer the question, ‘why am I lonely?’
Am I missing the emotional connection or am I longing for the physical connection? When you understand the “why” behind the loneliness, you’ll be better able to address it.
4. Create community around you before you’re feeling lonely from the breakup
Sometimes we’re so caught up in our longing for romance and the loss of a boyfriend, we forget how much love is all around us! We’re often waiting for people to extend love and community to us, but we’re not as prepared to extend it to others. If you’re lonely, why not create community around you?
Create community around you
Reconnect with old friends. Reach out to family members. Reconnect with yourself and remember why you’re great company! Make sure you have a heart that’s open to creating community and allowing people into your space.
5. Properly deal with your breakup so you can process the loneliness you’re feeling.
Loneliness is simply a symptom of something deeper that’s happening in your heart. Have you dealt with the stress and the sadness you feel from the break-up? Have you put yourself in the best position to heal? Before you can work on your loneliness, you must first understand what’s happening to your heart. If you want to move beyond the break-up, you can learn how to take your power back here.