Before Australia was on my radar, I was beginning my third academic year running the Office of Communications at a University in the Middle East. I loved my job. It was where I found purpose. I lived off of the buzz of energy generated by my work. However, due to a series of events, I was beginning to feel that God was moving my life in a different direction. I felt I should go back home to the US, however, I was very invested in the University, the country and the people. I was invested in my work and in its progress. So I was very conflicted about the decision….very conflicted.
During this time, I began to have worship morning, noon and night. I was desperate to hear from God. I lived and breathed scriptures. I fasted several times a week. Being in touch with God was paramount to me. And in doing this, I began to hear one consistent message:
There is a Bible verse in Psalm 46:10 that says “Be still and know that I am God. This may seem like a very small thing to some people, but at the time, it screamed off the page to me because it’s so contrary to my nature. I’ve always been able to work to get everything I want, and this was one of the first times that no matter how much work I did, I wasn’t able to solve my problem. In fact, in working to continue in the direction I was moving was creating a problem because it wasn’t within God’s will for my life. So in the midst of my fighting, struggling and striving. God said, Be Still.
One morning, during my worship time, God brought the word striving to my mind. At that time, I couldn’t figure out why that word was significant. I was diligent about keeping prayer journals, so I went through my journals and found a devotion I had read online called “Drop Your Hands.” A section at the end really struck me:
“In the face of all of life’s circumstances, we can know the peace of trusting the presence and power of God in the midst of trouble as we wait patiently and prayerfully for His deliverance. So drop your hands, for God’s hands are busy on your behalf!”
At the time, I knew this was true, but I couldn’t see how it could be possible. I didn’t understand how God could possibly be busy on my behalf. But I would soon learn that feelings are not the same thing as faith.