How to Use these Heal Broken Heart Quotes In Your Life
I’ve searched high and low and gathered some of the best heal broken heart quotes from relationship experts and celebrities. Some are simple and you can do right away and others will carry you through your hard times until you begin to feel your heart healing.
I hope and pray they give you strength, courage and bravery in the days and weeks ahead.
1.To heal a broken heart, you must love yourself
“You have done all you can in your relationship and shown what you have to offer: determination, assertiveness, and patience (among all your other wonderful qualities).
“If you are confident in your worth, you know that being single is not a catastrophe.”
You will prioritize your happiness without guilt. You will trust in the value of your life dreams and know that better things await you.”
Monika Hoyt from MonicaHoyt.com
2. Life continues to evolve
People evolve. Things change. Life is continually moving forward, and that’s a good thing. Endings happen. As they should. If they didn’t, people and life in general, wouldn’t advance.
Every ending will become a new beginning. We see it all around us in nature, yet chafe at its presence in romance. If we can begin to associate each ending with a new beginning, we will finally alleviate our true discord.
Susan Winter from SusanWinter.net
3. Cry, but not for too long
“Sydney dating expert Samantha Jayne says you should have a little cry, although she says you should set a timer on it: no more than a few weeks.”
“The longer you stay sad the more you could miss out on actually meeting the one,” she says. “I think by now you know you’ve wasted enough energy on his non-relationship. So purge out the sadness fast and then put in a plan to move onwards and upwards and learn from your mistakes.”
Samantha Jayne quoted in the Sydney Morning Herald
4. Get closure for yourself
“For Sharon Draper, psychologist and eharmony’s dating and relationship expert, there are three steps someone should take to guide themselves through their own, one-sided breakup.
“The first step to gaining closure is to be honest with yourself regarding the situation you’re in even if it’s hard to see the truth”
“We often tend to let our emotions run wild with the idea of a person, the idea of a future with them, the idea of how one’s life could be for the better if this person was in it. The reality is that this is an illusion of someone based on what we think we want from life. We forget that we can still have all those things even if this particular person were not in it.”
Sharon Draper quoted in Sydney Morning Herald
5. Try Breakup Coaching
Joy Harden Bradford, a breakup coach and licensed therapist in Atlanta, says breakups can be especially hard on women in their 30s who expected to marry their ex and to start a family but who now find themselves unexpectedly single again.
‘“For highly educated, ambitious, career-driven women, something that didn’t go right in their lives can really be traumatic,” she says, so talking to a coach can be a chance to discuss the breakup — which they may see as a personal failure — without having to go public (such as talking to family or friends) about their pain. Bradford likens it to seeing a therapist after a divorce or going to a support group after a spouse dies: It’s just part of the natural grieving process.’
Joy Harden quoted in the Washington Post
6. Allow your vulnerability to help you heal your broken heart
Samantha Burns of the Love Successfully website
7. Take time to get to know your real self again.
“It’s like a mental journey. You live and you learn but when you are a mess of emotions you have to snap back to reality. Work through what happened, then try to think for yourself and be comfortable with yourself — it’s hard but that’s what you were missing all along.”
Tarry Hillin for Huffington Post
8. Stay Busy
A busy body makes a busy mind. And a busy mind helps you when all you are doing is replaying the breakup over and over in your head. Staying busy with work, or other activities, is important to counter those moments of overanalyzing. Sure, it’s crucial to not “busy away your emotions,” but there’s some truth in keeping your mind occupied.
9. Reflect on what you’ve learned
“Elisabeth LaMotte, psychotherapist from Washington DC says, “A healthy breakup is when one or both people can end the relationship with the respect that it deserves and they can view it as an opportunity for growth.
“If you can, honestly reflect on what you learned in this relationship, how you grew, what part you had in it, why it didn’t work and what you would do differently. That is a way to go through and come out stronger on the other side.”
Elisabeth LaMotte quoted in The Guardian
10. Remember that pain and grief don’t last forever
“STOP. Breathe. Allow the situation to play out. See what happens. See where life takes you. Because you may just end up with a BETTER life than the one which was taken from you. I did.
My breakup and subsequent divorce were gifts. I didn’t feel that way in the beginning, but I absolutely feel that way now.
We can choose to stay stuck in the mindset of NO NO NO or we can force ourselves to take a small step back, breathe, and let things develop as they will… for better or for worse.
Pain and grief don’t last forever. When we accept this fact, we automatically allow space for healing. And during and after the healing we allow bigger and better things to come into our lives…
Shona Dee from ThrivingSistas.com
11. Nourish your soul with something new
“When we obsess over someone, it’s because we’ve learnt to associate all our pleasure and happiness with them, and we’ve forgotten about all the other sources of nourishment for our soul.”
Nourish your soul with something new by:
- Working on your physical health
- Feeding your interests and curiosities
- Getting deep into learning a favourite skill
- Connecting with your closest people
- Making time to meet NEW people
All of these will give you a renewed sense of strength and passion for life outside of this guy. You’ll be feeling great as you train and discover new parts of yourself that make you grow rather of shut down as a result of losing this person from your life.
Matthew Hussey from How to Get the Guy
12. Be empowered and improve your self-esteem
Breakups can make even the strongest people feel like they’re worthless or not good enough. Hang out with people that appreciate you and remind you of what a good person you are. “This is when having a strong support network is essential because friends can show you that you still matter and that you still belong,” Burns says. “When your self-esteem is at an all time low, these are the people who can help empower you while you work on defining your own self-worth.”
Anna Breslaw and Carina Hsieh from Cosmopolitan
13. Love yourself first
“You’ve got to love yourself first. You’ve got to be OK on your own before you’re OK with someone else. You’ve got to value yourself and know that you’re worth everything. And until you value yourself enough and love yourself enough to know that, you can’t really have a healthy relationship.”
Jennifer Lopez, to Glamour and reported in Self Magazine
14. Stages of grief
“There are many stages of grief. It’s sad, something coming to an end. It cracks you open, in a way—cracks you open to feeling. When you try to avoid the pain, it creates greater pain.”
Jennifer Aniston, to Vanity Fair and reported in Self Magazine
15. Explore your spiritual self
You may have a long or complicated relationship with God. This season of your life – when a relationship ends – is a wonderful time to explore your spiritual self. God created you for a reason, and He wants you to blossom and flourish! Focus your thoughts on how you will heal and grow forward in your life.
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen for The Adventurous Writer
16. Ditch the rose-coloured glasses.
“Reflect on the relationship for what it was, likely it was neither all good nor all bad,” NYC psychologist Dr. Karen Weinstein suggests. “Resist the common tendency to idealise the relationship. It’s very common to only recall and focus on the wonderful aspects of the relationship. This makes it even harder to accept the reality that it’s over and is the equivalent of ‘denial’ in the stages of grief.”
One way to reflect would be to make a list of things you weren’t happy with in the relationship. By the end, you might realise that the separation was for the best.
Dr. Karen Weinstein quoted in The Independent
17. Take a Class
Take up a hobby that’s really impractical and really fun, like watercolor painting or guitar. At best, you’ll learn a new skill; at worst, it’ll give you first date conversation fodder for when you decide to put yourself back out there.
Kaitlin as quoted in Redbook Magazine
18. Keep The Comparison Game In Check
We won’t say “avoid the comparison game,” because it’s inevitable, but keep it in check (especially on Instagram!)
If you’re comparing how you’re doing with how it appears your ex is doing or how you think you should be doing, it means you’re spending too much energy and time comparing. Stop yourself in your tracks with this mantra: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Deena Drewis as published on Girlboss.com
19. Resist the urge to “stay friends”
“Staying friends with your ex after breaking up is a terrible idea. If it’s because you feel guilty, then all you’re doing is leading them on. And if it’s because you think you have a chance of getting back together, then you’re just setting yourself up for more hurt.
Potentially, you might salvage a friendship from the wreckage some time down the line.
“When you’re emotionally raw you need time away from the source of your hurt.”
If you burnt your hand on a fire, you wouldn’t return to the fire to try and soothe your burn would you?
E-Harmony Dating Website Experts
20. Nourish Your Body with Healthy Food and Exercise
When Katie Bogen experienced a tough breakup, she decided to try a whole slew of different things to see what worked best for her. When it came to treating her body well with healthy food and exercise, she found it was super effective in moving her forward in her healing process.
“I bought a beginner yoga pass at a local studio, and the entire experience was incredible. The practice of yoga became a way to ground myself in my own body and my own presence. It allowed me to recognize the way I was hurting without indulging in it. It was glorious. I left the studio feeling powerful, calm, and whole. Even if the feeling only lasted for five minutes, those five minutes were beautiful.”
Katie Bogen for Vox.com
21. Cry, but don’t let your tears overtake your happiness
It’s therapeutic to cry, but don’t allow your tears to overcome your happiness. I want to tell you a little secret. Your life is NEVER over due to a breakup. In fact, a recent breakup is the first step towards a new beginning. It’s a time to celebrate what new and amazing things God has in store for your life. You are walking into a new season filled with purpose and a Father’s unfailing love for His daughter.
Nichole (Nic) for Grace with Humility
22. Don’t Fight Your Feelings
A break-up is often accompanied by a wide variety of powerful and negative feelings including sadness, anger, confusion, resentment, jealousy, fear and regret, to mention a few. If you try to ignore or suppress these feelings, you will likely only prolong the normal grieving process, and sometimes get totally stuck in it.
Healthy coping means both identifying these feelings and allowing ourselves to experience these feelings. As hard as it is, you cannot avoid the pain of loss, but realize that by experiencing these feelings, they will decrease over time and you will speed up the grieving process.
McGill University Counselling Services Resource
23. Not Everything Needs to Change
The first thing I want to mention is that not everything in your life needs to change. Many people think that they need to wipe the slate completely clean after a break-up, but there are probably many things about your life you like and can remain the same.
You can still enjoy gabbing on the phone with friends (even if they are mutual friends, they’re still your friends), the eggs at your favorite breakfast spot, biking home from work, your favorite section of the paper. They may feel different without your normal sidekick by your side or to go home to, but it doesn’t mean they are wrong or need to change.
Molly Beck for The Muse
24. Focus on the positive and continue to find the beauty in life
“if you find yourself focusing on the negatives a little bit too much, life coach Pam Bauer suggests tuning in to comedian Chris Gethard’s pod, Beautiful Stories From Anonymous People. The premise is simple: one phone call per episode, no names, and nothing is off-limits.
In fact, callers get to dictate what happens in the conversation, from talking about relationships and giving career advice, to sharing the latest gossip from their hometown. To find strangers, Gethard tweets out a number and the first person to dial in gets the spotlight. It’s a nice little dose of kismet to remind you that, for all its ups and downs, life is surprisingly beautiful.
Lindsay Tigar for Glamour
25. How to deal with breakups in your 30s
“The breakups are harder in your 30s,” says therapist Heather deCastro, who works with millennials at her New York practice, Millennium Psychotherapy.
“The most powerful thing I think someone can do is to sit with their pain,” Blackson said. “It takes tremendous courage to sit with the feeling of loneliness, to sit with the pain.”
“People are so quick to say, ‘I have to get over this breakup,'” said Grohol, based in Newburyport, Mass. “Take the relationship apart, and see what worked and didn’t work, and take that new knowledge that you have, and use it for your next relationship.” John Grohol, psychologist and founder of Psych Central.com.
26. Dance away your sadness
“Put on your best dress, make yourself look as beautiful as possible, and let’s go dancing. Dancing helps a lot with a broken heart, for me anyways. And then after that, go to a spa. And then if you still need to cry about it or whatever, go ahead and cry…but in the shower by your damn self, and do not complain. Focus on the positive, not the damn negatives.”
Tiffany Haddish quoted in Cosmopolitan
27. Use Your Breakup as a Tool for Creativity
Just like Elizabeth Gilbert used her divorce as inspiration to write Eat, Pray, Love, you too can leverage your breakup as a tool for creativity. And in return, that creative project can help you heal.
- If you’re a writer, write a story or even a book about your relationship or breakup.
- If you’re an artist, paint what your pain looks like, and what the happiness you seek will look like.
- If you’re a singer, write a song.
- If you’re none of the above, buy a coloring book and markers
- Play with Play-Doh.
- Dance to music in your kitchen.
- Paint a table.
Just let creativity be your therapy. You’ll feel better. Promise.
28. Make a list about your ex
Writing a list of as many negative things about your ex as you can think of once a day until you feel better may be effective, she says. Though this exercise tends to make people feel worse, Langeslag says that this effect goes away. Her past research found that negative reappraisal also decreased infatuation and attachment to the ex, so it will make you feel better in the long run, she says.
Andrew Gregory for Time.com
29. Know that you will love again
After an especially bad breakup, it may seem impossible to think that you will ever love again — trust me, I know. But Dr. Dain Heer, author of Being You, Changing the World, believes that this sense of loss can open the door to great possibility. When you find yourself at the end of a relationship, Heer urges you to ask yourself this compelling question: “What else is possible now that wasn’t possible when we were together?”
Bethany Ramos from SheKnows.com
30. View your interactions with your ex like a drug and act accordingly
I’m sure you’ve heard people say that love is like a drug. Well, you have to start viewing any type of interaction with your ex like an addiction – the more you give into it, the harder it is to break it.
Kevin the Breakup Doctor
31. Don’t Meet Someone Else, Meet Yourself
Although it may be tempting, going straight back into the world of dating and relationships isn’t always the best idea.
Taking time to reflect on the relationship (good and bad) is a great way to learn more about yourself (and what will be important to you in future relationships).
This is a great time to revisit the things you enjoyed before your relationship ended. Go back to the gym to lower your stress levels. Spend time cultivating hobbies and being with close friends. Start an educational course or class, write a book, or start a blog. Immersing yourself in something other than dwelling on your past relationship will help you see a future without your ex-partner’s involvement.
Sarah Fader for Betterhelp.com
32. Try Online Counselling to help you adjust and be emotionally ready to move on
It’s nice to remain friends, but that’s almost never in anyone’s best interest. You have to be ready to stop all contact from all sources. That means not even calling the other person when you believe they are the only person who can answer a question. If need be, choose someone to be your accountability partner who will hold you accountable for keeping your distance.
It takes time to adjust and stop thinking about relationships when they are over. Being ready to move on after a breakup means being ready to never see or speak to your partner again. If this is the only thing holding you back, a certified counselor from BetterHelp.com can help you come to terms with it.
Tonia Cassaday for Betterhelp.com
33. Be Your Best You
When you’ve worked through your emotions or even while you’re still working them out, figure out what you want out of your life. What do you want for yourself? Do you want to go back to school? Do you want to get a new job? Maybe you just want to take up a new hobby or learn a new skill. No matter what you’re thinking, you want to get started on making yourself into the person that you want to be.
Taking some me time can definitely help you in getting over someone, and it can help you turn that breakup into something positive too. You’re going to be a better person, a stronger person, and a happier person when you’re all done and you’re going to enjoy it to.
“How to Handle a Breakup” for Betterhelp.com
34. Self-Love is Important
According to Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love, self-love is important, “because ultimately we are the ones responsible for our actions, choices, and the outcome of those actions and choices. We cannot give to someone else what we don’t have, and likewise we cannot get from someone else what he or she doesn’t have.” If you love yourself, you will be the master of your feelings, not some idiot that broke your heart through a text message.
Jen Kim for Psychology Today
35. Write about it to reach a level of acceptance
“Talk about it, write about it, meditate on it,”
“Whatever it takes to process the break up and reach your own level of acceptance about why it ended. Spend time with people who will support you and encourage you to nurture yourself, people who will allow you to just be in the moment.
Siobhan Kenna for Huffington Post
36. Be selective about who you share your story with
It’s up to you whom you share your story with, however it’s a good idea to be selective about whom and what you tell people. Sometimes it’s good to wait to tell others when you have sorted out your feelings and other times, it’s helpful to talk to a close friend right away. Just be sure to choose friends and family members that you trust, who can be supportive and who won’t gossip about you.
37. Make sure to deal with your issues
“Jumping into a hook up or casual relationship releases an intoxicating mix of neurotransmitters and hormones including dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine, which can seemingly (and temporarily) dull the pain of heartache,” she adds.
“However, whilst the chemical cocktail associated with the early stages of attraction may seem like the perfect distraction and remedy for a broken heart, it’s often a Band-Aid solution as your feelings and issues are transferred to your new partner and relationship. If you haven’t dealt with your past hurts and issues from previous relationships, more often than not they’ll show up in your life and new relationships.”
Alison Stephenson for Body and Soul
38. Assess your standards
History has a way of repeating itself and if you’re not careful, you can–and will–make the same mistakes. No matter how much we try to think we’re perfect, there are times when we’re the ones to blame in a relationship. Ask yourself if you’re attracting the right kind of people in your life. Should you experience the same outcome with each relationship, you might want to adjust your tactics.
Janvier Peart for Madame Noire
39. Transformations will happen
If you’re dealing with a breakup, I don’t need to tell you that your life is transforming. Everything is in flux right now; from your larger life plans all the way down to your daily routines. Like now I only have to buy one bag of kettle corn, instead of two, when I go to the grocery store. OK, maybe I still buy two, but now I don’t have to share (silver linings?). The goal is to stop feeling like you’re at the mercy of the changing landscape of your life, and to take charge of it.
Change begets change. If we let ourselves relax, and accept that it can be a good thing, we’ll see transformations that we never imagined possible.
By Gloria Alarmed for Flare.com
40. Write about positive aspects of the relationship
Consistent with this approach, researchers have also examined whether a writing-based intervention facilitated coping with a romantic break-up in nearly a hundred single participants who experienced break-up in the past three months. Those in the experimental group wrote about the positive aspects of their break-up. A separate group wrote about the negative aspects, while a third group wrote about a superficial topic not related to the break-up. All groups wrote at home for 15 to 30 minutes a day for three consecutive days without receiving any feedback from the experimenter.
They found that those who focused their writing on the positive aspects of their break-up (factors leading up to the break-up, the actual break-up, and the time right after the break-up) reported experiencing more positive emotions regarding their relationship’s end and did not experience an increase in negative emotions. The increased positive emotions included feelings of such as: comfort, confidence, empowerment, energy, happiness, optimism, relief, satisfaction, thankfulness, and wisdom.
American Psychological Association
41. Drop the story line
One of the worst parts of a breakup is feeling like it’s all your fault, says Jessica Zucker, PhD, a psychologist based in Los Angeles. “If we think we [had] a hand in it or that something’s wrong with us, we think we can change it for the next time.” While it’s totally normal to want to find out what happened, this often leads to an endless parade of counterproductive “what-ifs” in your mind.
The first thing to do is to stop that line of thinking.
“The story of your relationship is over, so you can’t rewrite it.”
Instead, try to focus on the fact that you will grow from this experience. Just because it’s over for your relationship doesn’t mean it was a waste of time. “Grief does shape us in big ways,” says Lodro Rinzler, a meditation instructor and author of the the new book Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken.
By Ashley Ross for Refinery29.com
42. Stop thinking your ex was a one-of-a-kind person.
Stop thinking that your ex was one of a kind person. No matter how special he/she was, you own future dating life will show that your next love will be also very special in his/her own, unique way – this is just the reality of how love works. Your next lover will be different from the one you lost, but he will be special to you in his own way.
43. Take time to grieve
Own your grief. Own your process. Only you can say when you’re ready to move on.
- During this period don’t start online dating, taking on new or old lovers, or distracting yourself with sexual or romantic relationships, in order to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Rebounding is not a healthy response to grief and only muddles the process. Take this time for yourself.
- Be vocal with the people close to you that you’re taking time to grieve your loss. Think of it as a retreat. Let them know you may be inclined stay home, rather than go to the party.
- Take time every day to go sit by the the river of grief that flows through you. Turn toward your painful feelings and really sit with them. You might meditate on a quote, such as this one from Martin Prechtel: “Any grief is a form of praise of life. It means you loved the thing you lost.” Allow your feelings to meet and find peace–feelings of love, anger, hope, and sorrow.
SFWT Therapy for Women & Couples Counseling
44. Make a plan to feel better
Don’t just seek to feel better again, make a real plan to do so. Don’t wait for time to ease the pain, work on making it happen sooner. Don’t get caught up in drama, hearsay about his new relationships, throwing pity parties, or any of that nonsense. You’ve got crap to do in life, and no amount of heartbreak is going to keep you from getting it done.
Use the experience to fuel your future successes.
45. Don’t hold a grudge
Regardless of what happened to end your relationship, don’t hold a grudge. Everyone makes mistakes, and when emotions are high, people will get hurt. Don’t hate your ex forever and tell everyone that he or she is a bad person. Don’t let your ex have that kind of hold over you anymore. Let those negative feelings go and be thankful for the lessons you have learned instead. Embrace the possibilities of future love and happiness.
46. Stop torturing yourself
‘What if….?’ ‘Why didn’t I…?’ and other questions are perfect torture tools for those who are dealing with a break up. People want to learn from their mistakes and analyse where things went wrong. This is very good, but do not torture yourself with ‘what if’ questions, because you will never find out. Such questions only make you feel more miserable and stop the process of getting over a break up, rather than speeding it up. On top of that, you probably blame yourself for much more than you actually should. Instead of torturing yourself, accept that this relationship wasn’t meant to be and that you have learned from it.
47. Realize You Are Not Alone
You are not the first person to be going through a breakup, and you won’t be the last. It could always be worse. Be it romantic or professional, it’s breakups that will make you stronger and realize the true potential you have. In the meantime, you can check out Never Liked It Anyway for stories of heartbreak and bouncing back, or just swipe the pain away.
Gabi Conti for PopSugar
48. Use sleep as a way to avoid stress and depression
The day’s residual pain, sadness, and anger can make it difficult to sleep well. If you wake up too early, or can’t fall asleep, take notes in order to identify a recurring theme. That will help you figure out how get stress and anger under control during the day.
Sleep is one of the best ways to deal with stress and avoid depression, yet it can be hindered by emotional distress.
Try keeping a regular sleep schedule- going to bed and waking up at the same time each day- you will feel more refreshed and energized than if you sleep the same number of hours at different times. Create a relaxing bed-time routine. Regular exercise and relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation may also improve your sleep
49. Check in with a Therapist
Therapists are trained to help people move past heartbreak. Chatting with one will help you feel better and figure out how to cope. Therapy provides a safe space to grief the loss of the relationship and let out all those intense emotions without worrying about someone judging you.
By Ashley Laderer for TalkSpace.com
50. Get a change of scenery
A change of scenery can be nice for someone after a breakup. Often times, people will associate their significant other with their environment, and other things around them. This can make it hard to be around those things, and even live every day life. Typically traveling is someone’s first big decision after a breakup. Her life has already changed dramatically after the breakup, so why not change it more?
This is one of the most effective, and positive things you can do after a breakup. It shows that you’re wanting to move on, and change the way you feel. Even if it’s just for a few weeks, or even a few days, it can make a real difference when dealing with a tough breakup.
Zack Stevens for TheClever.com
51. Do something your ex always hated
It’s deeply, DEEPLY satisfying to do something you always avoided because of your ex. Examples include (but are not limited to): eating a big fat juicy croissant if your ex was gluten-free, listening to Justin Bieber on full volume if your ex was not a Belieber, spending four hours scrolling on Insta if your ex was a social media hater, wearing top-to-toe velvet if your ex didn’t understand fashion and watching re-runs of The OC if your ex was not a fan of Newport Beach dramz.
Btyb Pantene for Cosmopolitan
52. Be wise with your social media during this time
You WILL see something you wish you hadn’t at some point. Stalking will keep you caught up in the drama, obsession and anger and perhaps drive you to do things that you wouldn’t usually do. Try to hold yourself back. If you need to block him to get on with your life, do it.
Ask yourself if you are using Facebook as a revenge tool. Are you posting amazing pictures of you doing amazing things with amazing half naked models? Are you frantically checking in at a million places in one hour? If the answer is yes, a Facebook time out might be the key until you can process your real emotions.
Katy Moore for Mamamia.com.au
53. Take the time you need to heal
“When I was first going through my separation, someone said to me, ‘It will take you half as long as you were in the relationship before you’ll feel better.’ And I wanted to knock them out cold across the table. Because, of course, I was in agony. And the last thing I wanted to think was that I was going to stay that way for a long time. But interestingly enough, it is over four years later – we were together eight years – and I finally feel like, cool. I feel better.”
Uma Thurman on Ethan Hawke, Redbook, published in Elle
54. Don’t be scared to be alone
“I was so scared of ever being alone, and I think, conquering that fear, this year, was actually bigger than any other transition that I had, this entire year.”
Miley Cyrus on Liam Hemsworth, to Barbara Walters, published in Elle
55. Look at the situation positively instead of negatively
“Breakups are a catch-22: It sucks to have your heart broken, but at the same time, it’s quite possibly the best thing to ever happen to you,” says relationship coach Donna Barnes, author of Giving Up Junk-Food Relationships: Recipes for Healthy Choices.
While it’s beyond nerve-racking to suddenly be flying solo, what follows has the wonderfully optimistic title in psychology of “self-restructuring.” After all, most people have to hit rock bottom before they are motivated to change anything about themselves—if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
A breakup can be a gift if you use it to become a better version of yourself.
Donna Barnes for Greatist.com
56. Work to keep yourself calm
Feed and nourish your parasympathetic nervous system. Anxiety and stress associated with most break ups can cause you hormonal havoc! I was totally an example of this. My cortisol levels shot to the roof, my adrenals became fatigued- I was tired, angry, anxious and my weight was creeping up ( remember cortisol is the number one fat storage hormone). So keep yourself calm people! Practice deep breathing morning and night!
Jessica Sepel for Mindbodygreen.com
57. Watch the narratives you create about the experience
One strategy for making breakups a little easier, then, might be to consciously consider the narratives we create about the experience. A person might think: I was bad at communicating in the relationship; I guess I just can’t open up to people.
Another story might be: I was bad at communicating in the relationship, but that’s something that I can work on, and future relationships will be better.
Maybe a healthy habit of questioning our own narratives can help us to make better ones—stories that promote resilience in the face of pain.
Lauren Howe for The Atlantic
58. Remember change takes time and letting go is being respectful to yourself
Changing is a lengthy process that takes time and effort. If your ex claims to have changed, chances are they actually just miss you. It’s only been a few weeks, buddy. Do you really think they’re suddenly a better person?
Your ex is not the end-all be-all. You will laugh at yourself a year from now for thinking this. Trust me.
Holding on to this bad relationship is disrespectful to yourself.You only have about 80 years (give or take whatever) on this planet. Every second you waste on this is time you aren’t going to get back. Tick tock, dude.
Redditor User intripletime as published by Huffpost.com
59. Don’t allow your mind to be misled
If you’re hurting, know this: it’s difficult, it is a battle within your own mind, and you have to be diligent to win. But you do have weapons. You can fight. And you will heal.
Getting over heartbreak is hard, but if you refuse to be misled by your mind and you take steps to heal, you can significantly minimize your suffering.
Guy Winch, How to Fix a Broken Heart
60. Accept how it is
Accepting that there is nothing wrong with how I am feeling gave me the grace to relax. There is no problem right now; therefore, there is nothing I urgently need to attend to.
How I am feeling now may not be a true reflection on how I feel in a few weeks, months, or years’ time. And I trust that I will stumble across whatever it is I am looking for at some point again in the future.
61. Explore nature
I am fortunate to live in the land of 10,000 lakes. When I find myself feeling lonely, I force myself to get outside in nature. It is no new secret that being outdoors improves our mental health. A multi-study analysis published by Jo Barton and Jules Pretty at the University of Essex stated “Every green environment improved both self-esteem and mood; the presence of water generated greater effects.” And let me tell you, I believe it.
Melissa Faulkner for Fulfillmentdaily.com
BONUS 62. Remember love is all around you
You know that first trip you take without your ex? That feeling you had of doing something without them, without being able to share it with them? If you can get past it enough to see where you are and all the beauty in it, you can usually see the beauty in others, too. Now, I’m not suggesting rebounding into another relationship. I’m talking about the friendly person you chatted with at the grocery store, the new friend you met in an elevator, or the puppy you played with at the park. These tiny instances will quickly remind you that people are what’s important, and this one relationship “failure” should not ruin that.
Vandissa Brown for Love Becomes Her